I feel much better prepared for what lies ahead than when I graduated high school--I know, big shocker. I am more aware of my abilities (or lack thereof). I am more confident in myself. I am a happier person. I hold no preconceived notions of being able to bring in six figures anytime soon. I have no desire to live to work. I can have everything I want in life--I know that I have to work for it, but I don't have to be miserable along the way. I am in no way opposed to hard work, just hard work without purpose (like selling things to people that I don't care about and they don't need or writing yet another boring paper that the professor won't read and I won't learn much beyond how to better paraphrase. . . ).
I am completely unprepared and I know it. Unprepared for dealing with insurance companies, mortgages, retirement plans, taxes. The list is infinite. The wonderful thing is, however, that I know that when the time comes, I will be able to wrap my head around all of these things. I used to think that people should just know things and not have to learn them--that was pretty silly of me. We all have to learn and I learn something new almost everyday.
I am starting my own business, Lined Up & Tallied. I met with a potential client today--and she should call me back soon!!! I admittedly have not put much effort lately into marketing myself, but I really have done this on purpose. I must complete two substantial, though not impossible, papers in the next two weeks. I have a bit of an obsessive personality, so if I allow myself to focus on growing my business, I will allow my Magma Cum Laude slip right through my fingers--I have worked too hard to allow that to happen. So, I talk myself up whenever possible, but no huge advertising campaigns quite yet for me.
I have Boy, and we are coming up on our 1 year anniversary. I am not the lovey-dovey-cutsie person that screams from the rooftops about our relationship. I don't have to do those things; our bond is for us. It's natural; it's real; it's ours; it's so very wonderful. It certainly does not feel like it's been a year, and at the same time, I cannot imagine (or remember) life without him. He says there are surprises that await. . . and it's killing me to know. I will soon find out.
I am content with myself. It has taken me so many years to find this peace within me that I currently have. I have been anxious and unsettled about myself, life, the future, the past, the present, other people, my misanthropy, clothes, body image, and all the other little inconsequential nuisances that we allow to ruin our lives. I finally decided that I am ok being me. I don't enjoy being around large groups of people, but if I am, I tend to force myself to interact with them. No one ever gets anywhere by sitting in the corner. I am absolutely beautiful. I am incredibly intelligent. And most people do not get my jokes, but they crack me up, so I tell them anyway. I had to discover who I was first, but that is a story for another day. It does not bother me to go completely against the grains of society because I know that my thoughts and actions align perfectly with who I want to be, who I am, and how I want to conduct my life. We are all only here for such a short time; we should enjoy it--thoroughly.
I have also made peace with the fact that I cannot control every little aspect of the world around me. I am sure this will change as I grow older and I forget all the wisdom that I undoubtedly possess currently, but I don't want to feel constantly on edge, about anything. I have a tendency to do this, so why not prevent it? The world is unpredictable, but I have not encountered a challenge that I could not meet yet, so why not jump in head first? What is the absolute worst that can happen? I make a mistake? Heaven forbid.
Take some time today to brag on yourself--if you don't find yourself totally awesome, no one else will either. I am my own biggest fan; and no, I don't think that is a bad thing at all. (P.S. No one likes the egoist. . . and there is a difference). Remind yourself of all the awesomeness that surrounds you--that you have created for yourself--you've worked hard--it's time to show off. I will continue to procrastinate writing my papers (soooo boorrriiinnnnngggg) and probably dance in the field with my doggies.
Please share the awesome things that you have going for you right now!! We need to know so we can brag about our spectacular friends!!